Ready As I'll Ever Be
by CoronaCrown
Summary: The kingdoms of Zaron and Larnion near the war against the dark Emperor Donovan's army of darkness in a fight for the Stick of Truth.


**Inspired by:**

"Ready As I'll Ever Be || South Park Animatic" by SleepyMarmo (YouTube)

* * *

**ANCIENT ZARON  
627 A.D.**

Donovan looked out the window, the Stick secured in his grasp to the point of almost splintering it in two. If it were not made from the wood of the Elder Tree bordering Zaron and Larnion, he probably would have.

"Any moment now, _Your Highness_..." He said the formality in a mocking tone, objectifying the young woman in chains behind him, "It doesn't matter the humans and elves have unified to form one army. I've gathered all manner of beasts to join my arm of darkness, and this... this _brew_ will make me unstoppable." Donovan grinned evilly as he walked to the barrels stacked high in the throne room, filled to the brim with the glowing green sludge.

Standing guard over the Princess Kenny, Feldspar spoke. "Sir, what exactly is your plan? This brew from the metal castle is dangerous. Anything organic that comes into contact with it becomes a part of the living dead, spewing a nonsense language incomprehensible to us."

"That's the idea, my loyal thief. We've positioned vats of the brew around every entrance of this castle. When the humans and elves wander close, we will release a wave onto them all. With the Stick, I'll be able to have them all under my command."

Feldspar said nothing before grinning. "Marvelous idea, my lord."

The chains shackled as Princess Kenny tried to stand, her legs bound together. "Clyde–"

"Quiet!" Donovan waved the Stick, a blast coming forth from the gem encrusted in the wood, sending the princess to the floor again.

Feldspar straightened.

"Clyde..." Kenny said again. "Please listen. We grew up together. Please don't do this."

"I don't have to listen to you. Not anymore." Donovan walked forth, his armor echoing with each step he took. "I may have been your guard, but the king banished me after failing to guard the Stick. You did nothing to help me. You just let it happen."

Kenny faltered. "The King... my father–"

"We both know the former king is not your father. Not by blood, you don't care for him. Frankly, I'm doing you a favor by keeping you here instead feeding you to the dogs alongside the others." He knelt down, lifting her chin with his hand to look into her eyes. "I may have sunk pretty low, but believe me, you deserve everything coming for you. You don't have to stay here. Join me, and be my empress in this new world."

Kenny's reaction was to shake the orange scarf covering the lower half of her face, spitting and hitting the dark emperor's eye.

Feldspar moved forward, already drawing his dagger, but Donovan held his hand up to stop him.

"Fine. I'll go ahead and be the bad guy, if that's fine with you. You'll just be here, then you'll rot in a cell for the rest of your life. Justice, at last, will be served." He turned to the thief. "Are you ready to step up, or will your heart get in the way?"

The dark blue hood Feldspar wore almost covered his eyes, but the Emperor noticed how they glanced away for a moment before meeting his own again. "I am at your command, Emperor Donovan."

Donovan grinned. "Perfect." He stood and walked to the window again, pushing it open and stepping out to the balcony. "We are ready to fight. And I know for a fact that I am as ready as I'll ever be for this war." He turned to the two of them again. "Take the princess away."

Feldspar nodded and unchained Kenny from the wall, keeping the cuffs on her wrists and legs. He unsheathed his dagger again, directing the princess to the end of the room where the door awaited them. Together, they traversed through the castle, passing by other warriors gearing up to fight in the war.

"The Barbarian trusted you," Kenny said as she was guided to the back of the castle. "And look how you repay him after he saved your life at the Battle of Stark Sea."

Even though he was behind her, Feldspar's stoic expression did not change. "If the Barbarian and I are to face off in battle, so be it. What has to be done will be done."

"Will it?" Kenny turned her head slightly to look over her shoulder, yellow hair tousled and unkempt. "Are you really prepared to vanquish your love?"

Feldspar took a moment too long to answer, and they both knew it. "As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

The former High Jew Elf Killian perched on the rock, club in hand and red hair blowing in the wind. Next to him, his second-in-command Marshwalker was feeding his wolf.

Marshwalker looked up, sword at his hip, at the ominous castle that had appeared only overnight thanks to the abilities of the Stick. "Are you anxious, sir?"

Killian smiled. "We've been friends our whole lives, Stan. You've no need for formalities with me and my family."

Marshwalker smiled back. "Forgive me, Sir Killian... _Kyle_," he added in addendum at the look the High Jew gave him, "But any other elf would have left me in the Lost Forest to die. You were the one who insisted on taking me, a lone and abandoned human babe, back to your kingdom. I owe you a life debt."

The smile Killian had formed withered away. "I fear the life debt may come to an end soon." He looked across the river again. "I have no doubts that our Commander is a brilliant tactician, as if he can almost see the scales of battle himself. We may win tomorrow, but it is only a question of who will survive."

Marshwalker nodded. "I will see to Sir Isaac. Ike." He walked away, his wolf dutifully following behind him.

The next morning came far too quickly for Killian's please. Standing by the side of the former Grand Wizard, he held his club above him, projecting his voice for all to hear with the aid of magic. "Humans and elves of Zaron and Larnion! Followers of the Cult of Gothica, Pirates of the Stark Sea, Valkyries of Valhalla! It is time to rise up here today not as several factions, but as one kind! The dark Emperor Donovan has taken control of the Stick of Truth not for the benefit of his people, but to control the world! With the aid of the brew that came from the metal castle that fell from the sky some months ago, he is able to raise an army of the dead! And we will not let this stand! We will raid the black palace, reacquire the Stick, and unite our two kingdoms under one unified rule for the benefit of all our people! Are you ready?"

"I am ready!" Marshwalker cried, lifting his sword to the air. A cry from the total people rallied them all, weapons raised and vulgarities spewed.

"We are ready as we will ever be! Let us march to the palace!"

As they moved closer and across the river, Killian towed back a little to speak to one of the humans. "How fare you, Barbarian?"

Though the smallest and thinnest of the Barbarians bordering the human side of the Lost Forest border, the Barbarian was by no means a lost cause, strong and resilient.

"I... I don't know what you speak of." The Barbarian's eye twitched as he tightened his grip on his ax.

"Forgive me for my intrusion, Barbarian, but I've heard tell of your... amorous relationship with the thief who betrayed your kingdom and defected to Donovan's side. If you find yourself as a liability due to this, I must ask that you stay behind."

If possible, the Barbarian's hold tightened even more. "Feldspar and I... we once had a plan. An-an oath. He broke it when he betrayed his people. I'll... I'll see it that I am as ready as I'll ever be for my confrontation." He cleared his throat. "I am the swiftest. I'll scout ahead and bring back news."

Killian nodded. "May the gods be with you, Barbarian."

"And you, Sir Killian."

* * *

Feldspar opened the window of his bedroom and hoisted the other man inside. "Were you followed?"

"A cyclops spotted me," the Barbarian said, ax soaked with blood. "His remains will be lost with the others in this army of darkness."

Feldspar said nothing more, pulling the Barbarian close for a passionate kiss. They broke apart but didn't step away, foreheads pressed close and arms around one another.

"I don't think Donovan suspects a thing," Feldspar whispered. "He truly believes I rally with him."

"Good," the Barbarian said in just as low a voice. "And the princess?"

"I had to take her to the dungeons, but she is well. I almost blew my cover earlier; she spit on Donovan's face. I thought he might strike her and I drew my weapon to protect her. Luckily, the Emperor thought I was about to punish her."

"That man is no Emperor," the Barbarian growled. "He-he is a usurper, stripping the High Jew and the Grand Wizard of their royalties. I thought he wanted to stay our friend despite his banishment, but..."

Feldspar hindered before he spoke. "And... what do our friends think of me?"

The Barbarian bit his lip. "They loathe you," he admitted. "They truly believe you have joined Donovan."

"It was the only way to secure the Stick," Feldspar said, like he did every time they were able to secretly meet.

"I know, love. I know." The Barbarian carefully lifted his hands, waiting for a wordless permission before lifting the thief's hood off his head. Instead of the rounded and short ears of a human, he revealed the long and pointed ears of an elf.

"Look at us," the Barbarian said wistfully. "A human and an elf, lovers trapped in a war."

"This war ends today," Feldspar said strongly. "Wear this robe. It will conceal your face and I will take you to the dungeons. Escape with the princess and I will remain with Donovan."

Reluctantly, they broke apart. The Barbarian dressed, letting Feldspar shackle his wrists and legs before slipping the keys into the pockets of the robe.

Before they stepped outside, Feldspar faltered after raising his hood again. "Are you quite sure we can do this?"

The Barbarian shuddered not from the still-open window. "If not, at least we may be together still. It is the only way to save our homes and families." He swallowed before speaking again. "Does the princess know?"

Feldspar avoided his sight. "No."

"Feldspar–"

"I know, it is not just to keep this from her. Our mother gave birth to the two of us, but Kenny believes she is an only child. I grew up with the guard, with Donovan. I am the eldest, in line for the throne of this whole country, not Kenny. But I also can't take it from her. Not like Donovan did."

The Barbarian sighed. "Very well. I won't say a word to her. But you should. You're her brother." He kissed him one more time. "Let us make our way."

* * *

Kenny leered at the wall, her wrists and legs free but still trapped in the cell. It was time. Or at least, the time was near.

_Soon,_ she thought to herself as the doors to the dungeons opened and two sets of footsteps made their way down, _they will feel my wrath. I will get my revenge against all these people, in honor of my mother. My father._

She felt under her hair to where her long and pointed ear lay hidden. She also felt around her breasts, feeling the vial of the green brew tucked away safe and sound.

_The final moment is nearing. And I am as ready as I will ever be._

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of myself. This is probably one of my favorite pieces I've ever written, and that's really saying something. I'm more a fan of fairytale than fantasy, but once I got the ball rolling, I just couldn't stop.**

**The way everyone is speaking I kind of got from Fire Emblem, and everything else I just sort of flushed out. And about that part about Feldspar/Craig... did that feel natural? Hashed out? I was excited when I thought of it and took a bit of a risk with it, but I liked how it turned out. What do you guys think?**

**I might come up with something for The Fractured But Whole if the right idea comes to me. If not, oh well, but I hope something does pop in this brain of mine.**

**Word Count: 2186**

_**~CoronaCrown~**_


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